The aftermath of grief and loss: Creating a culture that supports mourning and recovery

Some definitions of grief usefully describe it as “the conflicting emotions brought by the change of a familiar pattern.” At its most basic, our experience of grief stems from our natural resistance to change.

The death, human suffering, and loss stemming from COVID-19 have been unprecedented. During this pandemic, everyone has suffered losses — for some, it’s the loss of loved ones; for others, the loss of routines and the familiar, the missed family gatherings or coffee with friends, the canceled vacations and postponed weddings, even the loss of going into the office every day. These losses, big and small, are radiating across our work and personal lives.

For those who have lost loved ones, there may be no ceremonies to say final goodbyes; there is no grieving together. And when you look around, you see unsettled grief and uncertainty everywhere.

Grief is inevitable but unresolved grief doesn’t have to be.

The negative impact of unresolved grief is considerable and it poses a serious threat to our current and future workforce, our economy, and our collective success. In fact, the financial cost of grief to organizations appears high: $75 billion a year for US companies, according to one study.

There is life after grief, and organizations and their leaders have an important role to play in this mostly personal turnaround. Leaders have always navigated emotional dynamics in the workplace — but not at the scale and intensity unleashed by the COVID-19 pandemic. The pandemic is testing all of us and if you’re a people leader in your organization, you’re in the thick of an unprecedented challenge.

Some of the pertaining questions are — How to map this new emotional geography and how to respond?

We understand the immensity of the pain of losing a friend or a loved one, which many people have unfortunately undergone in this crisis. But we don’t normally talk about topics like grief in the workplace — and often, we don’t even know if we should, given people’s differing comfort levels.

Let me share an alarming stat here— A recent survey from the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention found that almost 41 percent of American adults struggle with mental-health issues stemming from the pandemic. More than 40 percent of folks surveyed described a decline in mental health during the COVID-19 crisis. We all know this and some of us have been there! But what is even more shocking is that nearly 40 percent of respondents said no one had called to ask, “How are you doing?” No supervisor. No one. Checking in on people is so important. It’s amazing, the extent to which it makes a difference — but also alarming the extent to which it’s not being done.

Coming to terms with grief is something that individuals must ultimately accomplish for themselves. Nonetheless, there are tangible, practical things that leaders can do — and things they shouldn’t — to help colleagues process their grief and speed recovery.

Before sharing the laundry list, I will say this again — Grief is inevitable but unresolved grief doesn’t have to be.

Some do’s:

Offer paid bereavement leave, usually for four or fewer days

Offer grieving employees help through employee assistance programs, peer support or grief groups

Show the willingness to have that conversation — start with something as simple as, “How are you feeling?”

Promote self-care — ask if your team members are taking regular breaks, prioritizing sleep, and checking in on one another. Also understand that leaders’ emotional affect is contagious. So it makes sense to not just encourage but also embrace self-care.

And don’ts:

Don’t perpetuate denial. Any variations of “toughing this out” or “powering through this” can be sentiments of denial.

Don’t invalidate grief and related emotions as it is the fastest way to shut someone down — Make it “OK to not be OK”

By becoming consciously aware of the problem, setting the right tone, and creating a culture that supports mourning and then recovery, employers can reinforce a sense of community in the workplace. These efforts will allow those who have suffered from unresolved grief to restart the process of bonding with other people. As their focus shifts outward, their internal dialogue shifts to being a bit positive. This will bring calm, clarity, and gratitude.

References-

The hidden perils of unresolved grief- www.mckinsey.com

Your organization is grieving — here’s how you can help- www.mckinsey.com